


Selfish

by AndiMackmeetsHeathers



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Canon Compliant, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, Light Angst, M/M, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:07:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29630910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndiMackmeetsHeathers/pseuds/AndiMackmeetsHeathers
Summary: Viktor thinks that Yuuri is being a selfish human being. Yuuri thinks that he's doing what's best for both him and Viktor.An extension of the conversation Yuuri and Viktor have surrounding Yuuri's retirement in episode 12.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	Selfish

**Author's Note:**

> I thought I'd fill the gap between Viktor asking Yuuri how he could say he was going to retire and ask him to return to the ice, and Yuuri explaining that they decided they'd both make their minds up after the Grand Prix Final the following day. Sorry if any of it is out of character or anything. Enjoy! :)
> 
> PS-TW FOR SELF-DOUBT/ SELF-DEPRECATION

"After the Final, let's end this," Yuuri announced. It pained him to do this, but it was what had to be done; Viktor couldn't put his career on the backburner for him after this season had ended. It just wasn't possible, if he was going to make his big comeback. 

"Huh?" The hurt and shock written all over his coach's face was breaking his heart. 

"You've done more than enough for me, Viktor," he continued, bowing his head down low, both as a sign of respect, and also so that he wouldn't need to look at Viktor's face while he was speaking. It would hurt him too much to do so. "Thanks to you, I was able to give everything I had to my last season. Thank you for everything, Viktor. Thank you for being my coach." 

That's when he noticed a tear dropping onto Viktor's foot. Confused, he looked up to meet his gaze, only to notice that he'd managed to make Viktor cry. A wave of guilt consumed him in an instant; he hated himself for doing this to the man he loved, but what else could he do? It was for his own good, after all. "Viktor?" 

"Damn...I didn't expect Katsuki Yuuri to be such a selfish human being." Ouch, that one stung. It was right, though, and he knew it was. Despite his best attempts at helping Viktor to make his comeback, he recognised that there was an inherent selfishness to what he was doing here, too. He hadn't even considered Viktor's feelings on this whole thing before consulting him about it. Maybe he should have done, but it was too late to take back what he'd said now. 

"Right. I made this selfish decision on my own," he explained, just in case Viktor got the wrong idea and thought that perhaps he was giving up due to somebody else's opinions on him, or that somebody had made him feel insecure or not worthy enough, when it wasn't that, at all. "I'm retiring." 

This declaration only caused Viktor to cry even harder than he had done before. He remembered his previous words, in the airport, when they were reunited with each other once again after a few days. _I wish you'd never retire._ Well, here he was, doing just that. Retiring. Was it the right decision to make? He thought so, personally, but Viktor clearly didn't. Tentatively, he reached up and tried to brush Viktor's tears away, in an attempt to comfort him somewhat. It was the least he could do after hurting him, after all. However, this only appeared to make matters worse.

"What are you doing, Yuri?" Viktor asked, sounding both confused and irritated at the same time. His tone intimidated Yuri a little, although he would never willingly admit that out loud to anyone, least of all to Viktor himself. 

"Oh, I'm just surprised to see you cry," he responded, which was true. The Living Legend, his life-long skating idol, was here, real and in the flesh and upset at the prospect of leaving Yuuri. If you'd told him this a year ago, he would have been completely shocked. But now, this was normal. Now, his heart was shattering, and he was pretty sure that, because of him and his selfish actions, Viktor was, too.

Angrily, Viktor moved Yuri's hand away from him and titled his head to the side. "I'm mad, okay?" 

Why did Viktor even care so much? He was just plain old Katsuki Yuuri, not really anybody special. Yet, Viktor acted as though he was. Which usually made him feel unstoppable and amazing, but now... 

Now, he just felt terrible. "You're the one who said it was only until the Grand Prix Final!" Yuuri pointed out. He wasn't technically wrong, there-Viktor had, indeed, said that. But still, this didn't seem to placate Viktor any. 

"I thought you needed my help more," Viktor admitted, much to Yuuri's surprise, desperation and sadness mingling and finding their way into his voice. He didn't think that Viktor saw things that way. He thought that, when he'd seen those other skaters perform, he'd perceived Yuuri as inadequate in comparison to them. Had he been wrong about that? 

"Aren't you going to make a comeback?" Viktor Nikiforov was a legend, and he needed to return to the ice as soon as possible. It was where he belonged, where his heart and soul lay. No longer could the same thing be said for Yuuri, in his eyes. He would only be burdening the Russian and weighing him down, anyway. "You don't have to worry about me-" 

Out of nowhere, Viktor interrupted him, placing a hand on his shoulder and essentially forcing Yuuri to meet his intense gaze. "How can you tell me to return to the ice while you say you're retiring?" 

Well, because Viktor's career was more significant and noteworthy than his had been, for one. Of course it had-he was a wildly successful professional ice skater, and one that many other skaters idolised. Secondly, because he wasn't as important as Viktor was, and he never would be. In his eyes, anyway. "Because. Your career is important, Viktor, and I don't want to get in the way of that." 

He watched as Viktor's jaw dropped almost comically low. Yuuri didn't feel much like laughing, though. "Are you kidding me? Yuuri, you're not getting in the way of anything-I don't think you understand. You have given so much love and life to me, it's the least I can do to return the favour." 

Viktor's poor choice of wording left a bad taste in Yuuri's mouth. "Is that all this is to you? _Returning the favour?"_ Hurt seeped its way into his voice. 

Eyes wide, Viktor backtracked, waving his arms about frantically. "No, of course not! I phrased that incorrectly." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, tears still streaming down his face. "What I _meant,_ was-oh, never mind. You wouldn't get it. Yuuri, are we just talking about me being your coach here, or something else completely?" 

Yuuri frowned at him, confusion written all over his face. "What do you mean, Vitya?" 

"What I mean is, well, is this deeper than that? Is this about us, too?" 

Yuuri frowned at him even more. "What-did you really think I was breaking up with you, or something?" In response to this, Viktor shrugged and bowed his head. 

"I don't know, Yuuri. Are you breaking up with me?" 

Yuuri placed a hand on his shoulder, his touch comforting, reassuring. "Of course not, Viktor. I'm only doing this because of how much I care about you. I know how much ice-skating means to you, and how much I want to see you skate again. How much everyone wants to see that." Viktor chuckled mirthlessly at that. 

"Yeah, well. Has anyone bothered to take what I want into consideration for once?" Viktor snapped, replying to his own rhetorical question before Yuuri could do so. "No, of course not. They never do. Haven't you considered for a second that this is what I want, and that's why I came to coach you in the first place? Because I chose you?" 

Yuuri sighed heavily, staring at the floor of their hotel room. He really hadn't thought about that, truth be told, and he felt idiotic for it, now. "Sorry, Viktor. Your thoughts on this are important. You mean a lot to me, and I never meant to hurt you. But I don't want to see you slowly kill your career as a competitive skater by being my coach. I want to see you succeed, to thrive, the way you did. My needs pale in comparison. They're irrelevant." 

Viktor shook his head so fast, it looked like it was going to fall off. "No, no, no, Yuuri. My Yuuri," he whispered, taking the twenty-four-year-old's hands into his own gently, his voice more tender than it had been before. "Your needs aren't irrelevant at all, not to me. As both your coach and your...fiancé?" 

Blushing, Yuuri nodded. "Fiancé," he reassured him, with a small smile.

"Right. Either way, I care about you more than anyone else in this world. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, as the beautiful, talented person you are. I only want what's best for you, Yuuri." His words softened the Japanese man, and he smiled at him again. Viktor smiled back at him, his eyes shining in admiration. 

"I know you do. And I only want what's best for you, too, Vitya. That's why I suggested that I was going to retire; because I want to see you succeed. I just want you to be happy." 

Viktor chuckled lightly. "Ah, but don't you see? I am happy here, happier than I've ever been in my whole life before. So, thank you for that. I had abandoned life and love for so long, I forgot how to be human. But you came along and changed all that." 

Yuuri tilted his head to the side, not quite comprehending the words that were coming out of his mouth. "I did?" 

"Yes, you did." Another smile, one that warmed his heart. God, he was going to miss Viktor if he retired. "That's why I wish to stay on as your coach. However, it is up to you. I have my own decisions to make, about my comeback and everything." 

"Of course." 

"Also, it's getting late," he pointed out, rubbing his eyes wearily to make a point. Yuuri hummed in agreement. "How about we come to a compromise?" Yuuri couldn't possibly think of a compromise that wouldn't break either his or Viktor's hearts, but he let him elaborate, regardless. 

"Okay, sure," he decided. "What kind of compromise were you thinking of?" 

"I was thinking, why don't we decide what to do after the Grand Prix Final?" Oh, that was a good idea. If he won gold, he could retire with a clear conscience. If he didn't-well, he could make up his mind at the time, he supposed. He felt bad enough as it was about stealing Viktor from the rest of the world. Selfish. But if this was what Viktor wanted, too, then so be it. 

"Okay," he agreed. "That's what we'll do, then." 

Viktor rose from where he was sat, on the window ledge. "Great," he sounded, anything but that as he got ready to go to bed. "Goodnight, Yuuri." Yuuri settled down into his bed, peering over at the beauty that was Viktor Nikiforov a little doubtfully, as if doubting whether or not he was real for a second.

"Goodnight, Viktor." Tonight, he'd sleep, and tomorrow, he'd figure his entire future out. 

He should probably get some sleep, then. After all, he had a big day ahead of him tomorrow. If only he could be with Viktor forever. He sighed, knowing full well that he should stop being so selfish. He glanced over at his childhood idol again. 

_If only._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for taking the time to read this, I hope you liked it! All feedback appreciated. Stay safe and have a great day! Xx


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